Rough Weeks Ahead

Well, as much as the kids are having fun and enjoying the summer, I sure am not. My fibro pain has increased to an all time high. Fatigue plagues me every day and sleepless nights (literally)are on the increase as well. Dustin and I are truly done having children. We had the answer nearly a year ago, but I just couldn't accept it. I think Heavenly Father just said, "Fine, try it your way, but you will soon come to the path I know you need to be on." I think He allows us to make those decisions to help strengthen our faith. A hard miscarriage- harder than I ever let on- and complications after, and months of pain have led me to finally accept that we are done having children. It has not been easy, but I am getting through it. Dustin has a surgery in a few weeks and then I will go to the doctor to get on the medications that I tried before. I didn't give them enough time to work- I still wanted to be pregnant. It is going to take a few months for my body to adjust to the meds. They leave you very weak and a zombie, but people say that after a few months the body adjusts to it and life gets easier. I hope so. I am glad Noah will be in school full day and Daniel will be bussed to preschool. I can lay on the couch more. It's easier to find a sitter for 1 child than 3. I am expecting some rough months ahead- physically. I seem to be over the biggest emotional hurdle now so things are looking up for now. It's hard to explain how hard the days can be. My kids have been great. They understand that Mommy is not the wrestler- as much as I want to be. Noah is a big helper. I am almost sad that he will be at school all day. I hope Daniel will fill brother's shoes well. I need all the help I can get. Jodi is so independent. I think she knew she had to be for me. She can play all by herself all day long and be quite happy. She is as much a helper as Noah at times. I am blessed with a beautiful family and a wonderful husband. I don't know who else would be able to deal with all that he has to because of me.